How do you get over the blues by yourself?

I'm currently gorging my sorrows on a bag of cheap microwave popcorn.  I only wish I had more melted butter or cheese powder to smother it in.

It's an understatement to say I feel depressed tonight.  It's even raining here, which just engulfs me into my sadness even more because I can't even escape to a nice sunny day.  ugh

I never feel like I do anything right, but most days I can cover that up and either find a way to fix it or play it off as if it doesn't matter.  But other days I keep screwing up and instead of having someone there to back me and pick me up when I fall, they just leave me in the dirt. 

I think that is the most depressing part.

I'm having one of the worst days I've had since I could remember (sounds dramatic but it's true) and I have no one to go to; no one to confide in.  Everyone else has a life or are angry at me in the first place to really give a damn about my woes.

Frustration is kicking in....and I'm starting to crave carb loaded foods.  I need something positive to happen now...

30 Week Picture Challenege - Week 8

A picture that makes you laugh

Ok it was hard to choose just one photo that makes me laugh. 

This picture always make me laugh.  I'm pretty sure someone sent me this on Myspace or something.  Obviously I love anything with penguins...so when penguins do horrible things it just makes it even more funny.

You can just imagine the little guy banging on the cymbals and running off like hell, with the polar bear screaming "I'm gonna eat yooooooou!"

Classic.

Customer Service - No Thank You

You know I work in customer service so you think I would be over this....yeah right.

My husband and I love to walk around the mall and through different stores.  Unless it's Christmas, birthday or any other gift giving holiday, we are not looking for anything in particular.  And even if I was, I'm still going to mosey the the store to see what else I can find.  But then....they come out...

"Hello! Can I help you find anything today?"

"You doing alright today?"

"Are you looking for anything in particular?"

"Would you like to try out new _____?"

"You that item you're standing by is on sale and ________?"

"Still doing alright today"

Gaw just shut up already!  I always end up answering the first question with "Fine. We're just looking today."  hoping that would get them away from me.  I was approached by four people at a perfume counter after I said I was just looking.  One lady showed a very smelly perfume in my face and asked me if I wanted to try it.  When I glared at her and screamed NO for the final time I walked away.  Looks like no one got their sales today...

When I walk into a local Bath and Body Works (which I love) I had three ladies ask me if I wanted to try the same new fragrance.  I am very picky about my scents, so don't push your stinky flower blossom scented lotion on me.  And no I don't want a bag and no I don't want a coupon for buy 10 get one free.

My husband rolls his eyes at me because he says they are just doing their job.  I would hate to have a job doing that all day, because I would just wait for the one customer like myself to blow up and punch me in the face.

My biggest pet peeve about customer service is that I do not want to ask for help.  If I know the store has what I am looking for, I will take a few minutes and look for it.  My husband immediately goes to a sales associate, which drives me nuts, because then they follow you to the product and try to convince you to buy the one next to it or buy all the fancy extras I don't need.  Maybe I have too much pride to ask.  Maybe I'm just too independent to ask.  Maybe I just know I can find it faster than the dumbass that was hired to work there.  Maybe I don't want to follow the store clerk around looking for it when I know it is two aisles over.  Sheesh.

When  walk into a store I just want to see what you you guys may have and get what I need.  If I need your damn help, trust me, I'll break down and ask.  Eventually.

30 Week Picture Challenege - Week 7

A picture of your most treasured item

Ok this one was hard.  How do I choose between my teddy bear, my rose charm, or even my transplant pillow?  I have too many prized possessions, all with different meanings of course.

I chose my dog tags because, let's face it, they are me.  No one remembers me without the dog tags.  Everyone remembers me by jingling up and down the hallway or clanging through the house with them on.  I've been wearing them  for about 12 years now and I even wonder when I will finally retire them.

I remember when my uncle came home on leave from the Marines and he said he had a surprise for me.  Being only 11 years old, my first thought was "Oo a new beanie baby?!"  But when the family got together later he handed me a ball chain necklace with two dog tags on it.  They were both his, duplicates.  He told me they were his tags and that they were very special to him and then told me he would even get in trouble if he went back to base without them (and because of that I spent the next month thinking he was going to get in trouble for giving me his tags).  They were supposed to help me through the tough medical treatments I was about to go through.  For strength and for encouragment.

Not long after that my dad saw me wearing this chain of dog tags around my neck and gave me his dog tag from when he was in the Navy.  Then my stepdad gave me his from when he was in the Army.  I was getting quite the collection here.  When I saw my other uncle again after he came home on leave he was surprised I still wore my tags everywhere.  He then offered me his tags to add on and eventually gave me his Marine ring also (big Wow on my part).  My last addition was when my cousin came home from the army on leave and gave me his tag to add.  I now have 2 Marines, 2 Army men and 1 Navy man.  No Air Force yet :-(

So I've worn these tags constantly for all these years.  I wore them in class pictures, to class events (except for prom...unless I had my way...), job interviews and I'll be damned if I didn't wear them at my wedding also.

As silly as it may/may not sound, I feel kind of honored that people would bestow something so personal as their military tags (and a very expensive ring) to me to wear and carry around with me.  I almost wait for the day when they ask for them all back to pass on to someone more important in the family because I can't help but repeat the phrase "Who am I to hold onto these?"

So I've built my image on these clanky metal things.  They've helped me throguh hard times, through many jokes, and even a graphics class assignment (ask me about The Jangler horror movie idea lol).  The chain has broken once or twice and the tags get tangled.  A lot.  They are definetly one of my most prized possessions and one that will need to be put away soon.

But maybe not just yet...

Roads in Life

Let me just start this post by saying I am deeply depressed since the snack machine down stairs just ate my hard earned dollar...I'm pretty sure I want to cry about it right now.

But anyways, I reunited with a friend of mine from high school the other day and got to reminisce about the old high school days.  I wasn't very popular in school but I had a group of friends I ran with and didn't have a lot of enemies (although I still had a few).  I changed my mind a hundred times about what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do in life.   I had great test scores and plenty of opportunities for scholarships.  I never could get a clear plan of how my life would work out because I couldn't decide what to do right after graduation.

But when it came time to walk the stage, I didn't have much time to plan my life anymore.  Within three weeks of graduating I had moved in with my boyfriend and became the breadwinner for an entire family.  I started junior college in the fall since I couldn't travel far to go to school.  I went to school in the morning and work at night.  I moved three times in a year. I worked two jobs for a while.  Damn it things were just hard until about two years after the fact, and then they were just hard in different ways!

But the point of my rambling is that I always wonder if I really took the right roads in life, or if I missed my turn completely. 

What would life be like if I had lived with my parents while going to college?
What if I moved away?
What if I had lived by myself, or even in the dorms?
What if I only had a job for me and saved all that money I could have made?
What if I didn't work at all through school and spent that time to just "find myself"?
What if I had left town and went to Austin college or studied abroad like I had wanted?

What if.....?  What if.....?  What if....?

The majority of people I knew in high school have grown up and gotten their own lives.  Most of them have children, or moved away, or in school getting a real degree.  What have I done?

I worked my butt off when I got out of high school, but for what?  I feel like I just ran in circles to come back to the same place I started at.  Instead of feeling like I came out ahead, I feel like I fell more behind...

30 Week Picture Challenege - Week 6

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Ok I know it sounds cliche....but I could so trade places with the president for a day.

I would love to spend my days lounging about the White House and roaming the grounds.  The place could definetly use some more penguins and Little Mermaid decor.  And find a way to ban the squirrels from my lawn.....forever.

I admire the new bills he wants to sign into law (but has been lagging to do so).  I'm certainly ready for a universal health care system, considering we are one of the only countries in the world that do not have one (yet we are the richest).  When you spend a year without insurance and then denied for Medicaid just because you do not have children, you get a little pissed at the system and want it changed.

Of course I'd have to work on the unemployment rate, government funding and working on getting the troops back home.  But how much can I do in one day?  Maybe I can leave some Post It notes.

But I think my favorite part would be to tell all the haters/racists/angry mobs/and everyone else to shove it.  I'd love to take up a whole night of television and go live to America and tell them

"You voted for me.  Now either deal with it and let me do my job or find someone better next time.  I'm running this bitch until 2012."

So there...

30 Week Picture Challenege - Week 5

A picture of your favorite memory

Ok...so I had more than one picture.

One of my favorite set of memories is my second trip to France.  Don't get me wrong, my first trip was awesome too because I went with some of my greatest friends.  But the second time I went I didn't have a whole lot of buddies at my side, so I actually got to learn while I was there and pay attention to the sites.

I got to see "The Thinker" and walk through the Luxembourg Gardens and of course visit the swanky Moulin Rouge.  During this trip I got to practice my French more, I took more meaningful pictures and finally got to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.  Yikes.

I also know my mom put out a lot of money for me to go on this trip.  It cost a lot of money to get there and a lot of money to spend over there.  I remember crying on the charter bus on the way back from Normandy thinking "damn I'm such a horrible child for putting her through this".  I got back to Paris and bought her a snow globe...like that could add up to it all.

So the trip had mixed feelings, but it was still a blast.  I grew up a little on that trip.  Then I came home and got engagaed to my husband and hit the ground running.