30 Week Picture Challenge - Week 21

A picture of something you wish you could forget

Ok this picture is not a good representation...but it was still funny.

I wish I could instantly forget the mean things people say to me, whether its on purpose or not.  I have a tendency to hold on to these hateful words and store them inside of me so I can try to analyze them and pick them apart, which only makes me more obsessed.

You're ugly.  You have a big nose.  You're selfish.  You're a pig.  You're a bad person.  You're a bitch.  Your toes are weird.  You're built bad.  You're a wuss.  You're overbearing.  You're unhealthy. You're nagging.  You're a bad writer.  You're wishy-washy.  Your teeth are crooked.  You're lazy.  You're worthless.  You need help.

My husband and I fight plenty enough and he'll shout mean and hurtful things in the heat of anger.  I know he doesn't mean them and he of course always apologizes, but there's still this nagging part of me that holds onto his words and let them break me apart.

My friends and family often say things to each other to tease and joke.  But sometimes the pin needle goes too deep, and the damage is done.  But of course you can't say anything about it.  You go on like you're fine and cry about it later in your room alone.

I think it hurts most when coming from complete strangers.  I mean, they don't know me enough to really make a good judgement about me anyway, so it shouldn't get to me.  But then for the same reason it does.  I like to act tough and pretend mean things don't bother me, but they do.  I'm human.  I feel and I bleed.

My blogs are getting shorter and shorter.  I think it's because these topics are harder and therefore harder for me to find the words for them.  Bear with me and I'll have something good soon.

30 Week Blog Picture Challenge - Week 20

A picture of somewhere you'd like to travel

I don't know why but I have been on a huge kick about wanting to travel to Egypt.  Go Ahead Tours has a 12 days Nile River cruise that I am really looking into.  I want to go see the pyramids and the ancient ruins.  I don't think I'd be too fond of the heat, but hopefully the hotel has great air conditioning.

Maybe it's because of all the biblical movies I've seen lately or the lure of old Egyptian legends.  I really don't know but I want to go.  Not to mention it's amazing to see a land that has immense deserts, flowing rivers and abundant plant life all in one spot!

I've been to France twice and seen parts of Europe.  Although I want to see more of the world in many other countries, I know I can only start in one place at a time, so I guess I better assemble that road map now.

30 Week Picture Challenge - Week 19

A picture and a letter



Dear Papaw,

Straight out the gate I'll say that I miss you.  I feel like this family has fallen to pieces without you.  Everybody tiptoes around with big grins on their face and try to forget that it's just one more Easter/Fourth of July/Thanksgiving/Christmas without you.  It sucks, but they say life goes on.

I'm married now, but with no children.  We have a small house, but lots of debt.  Sure wish you were here to tell me how to enjoy the finer things in life and always rely on family that loves you.  I have very few pictures of you, which makes me kick myself for not taking more pictures while I could.  I have a small business, but it's not much right now.  I got a degree in junior college, but haven't put it to use yet.  Could you tell me the story again about how important education is and how to apply it in life?

I know you're watching over all of us.  Jeremy says you're even closer than I can imagine, but I guess I'm too stubborn to believe.  Is that why the dog barks in the middle of the night or the cat suddenly fluffs up?  Stop scaring Scrat.  He's my spirit guardian and I don't think he knows who you are yet.  Maybe if you rattle the food bowl in the dark he'll come around.  Are you up there laughing with Jeremy's mom?  I never got to meet her but I worry about what she would have thought about me if we ever did meet.  Try to make me look good to her and let her know I'm taking care of her little boy.

I have too many emotions to write a clear, level-headed letter right now.  I have things to I want to say and then some off the wall thought seems to type out instead. 

I can't say enough that I miss you and wish you were still with us.  I wish you could have seen your grandkids grow up (and even meet your great-grandkids).  I get excited when I hear Uncle Jimmy laugh because if I close my eyes hard enough I can almost believe it's you standing by the grill.  I haven't got a chance to try that on Uncle Mike yet.  Oh yeah and thanks for sending those dollar bills I found on the ground (they say angels send pennies but I know you send the big stuff).  I like to tell Jeremy that you've sent me money that day.

I'm sure I have more to say, but the sun is coming up, and I should say what I need to....if I only knew what that was.

As I'm writing this I can't tell what I am supposed to feel.  I smile when I think of our memories and the woobie of yours I have stashed away in the closet.  Of course I'm sad when I think about another summer without your grilled burgers or another Christmas without hearing you read The Night Before Christmas to me.  I'm sad in knowing that you never got to meet Jeremy or be there at mine and my sister's wedding.  But then again I'm angry at letting myself type this thing out between tears and sad songs that seem to keep playing on my iPod.  And, frankly, I'm angry that you are gone.  Damn it to hell that out of all of the people in the world and out of all of the shitty things to happen, you had to leave.  You had to be the one to go.  You couldn't have argued with God a little more? I don't care how anyone puts it.  I will never understand and I will never accept it.

I wish they had cell phones in Heaven so I could text you everyday.  I'm sure they have unlimited texts in Heaven too.

Love, Little Dingleberry

Miley, Another Breeder of Hate

I'm all for speaking their mind or sharing your opinions or whatever else people want to call it these days, but some idiots are betting off keeping their damn mouths shut.

I read an article about Miley Cyrus ranting that Urban Outfitters stole a line of jewelry from an Etsy seller, here.  This sounded like a good thing since no one wants to see independent artists get ripped off, even though it would probably be hard to prove in this case (the jewelry is very vague and not copyrighted).

But then this ignorant child decided to open her mouth even bigger with her main argument against the store being "Not only do they steal from artists but every time you give them money, you help finance a campaign against gay equality".

That's your argument about not stealing other people's artwork?
Ok dumbass you just lost all credability.

How can this so called role model preach to America, included the vulnerable youth that still seems to follow her, about hating against others and saying it's okay for them not to have rights too?  Why shouldn't we finance a company that is for giving all characters of life equality?  I guess in her eyes only some people are good enough to be treated like she is?  Well we allow you to spill your ignorant guts all over the media, and you get to have your free speech, but gay people are not up to your level?  Is that the message you are sending and airing out?

"IF WE ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE NEXT THING U KNOW PEOPLE WILL BE MARRYING GOLD FISH"

Are you comparing people to fish?  To animals? 
Seriously Miley?  Are you that stupid?  I'm going to have to say yes based on your career choices and the phrasing you just word-vomitted to the public.

Discrimination is nothing but another form of ignorance.  The bible supposedly has all these verses and scriptures against gays and gay marriage, but I'm pretty sure there is a whole testament (it's call the New one...) about how God created EVERYONE equal and that He LOVES EVERYONE the same.  Did America forget to preach that part which they preached about hellfire and damnation for those that are different.  I guess everyone is equal in God's eyes but not in ours so that doesn't matter.

Hey America!  Don't fall into this pit.  Stop hating those around you and stop telling others to hate with you.  Do not bring others into your misery of discrimination!  Stop focusing on what you hate about this world and get on with your life!

P.S. Go to hell, Miley.

30 Week Picture Challenge - Week 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity

No this is not my chin, but it is a good example since I Photoshop all of my chin pictures.

I have a double chin.  It's not a big one and not real noticable, but it's still there.  It's in my photos.  I feel it when I sleep.  I even feel it when I laugh.  I hate it.

I've now grown accustomed to looking up in photos or not take pictures of me smiling very big.  Every time I do it comes out.  I have so many great photos I want to share, but can't bear to show them to anyone.  The ones I really want to show, like from my wedding, I try to Photoshop it out.  Some of them I can't, which makes me want to stash those in the back somewhere.  When I worked for a photo company they taught us to have the person posing do the "turtle neck", in which you straighten your neck up and then jut your chin forward a little bit.  It's supposed to reduce the double chin and make it look leaner.  It doesn't work.  I know.

Maybe because it makes me feel fat, when I'm really not.  My doctor told me it was just some excess tissue that had built up, but that's not what it feels like.  It's like an abnormality or mutant growth that doesn't belong.

If you've read my blog you've seen where I posted about this before and possibly having surgery to get it fixed.  I'm already planning how I could finance something like that.  We have a local surgeon but I'm not sure about the payment plans.  It seems extreme, but I'd give my left arm to be rid of it and feel good about myself again and actually take a photo again.  Hell I'd give my second chin for something like that.